Like many others, I wore a Christmas hat, a red shirt and fake scraggly beard and joined the masses around 11AM prepped for a long day of fun. The goals of the day were simple: drink, smile, laugh and try not to ruin my beard before five. And while I was successful at the first three, my beard was destroyed in a matter of minutes as a slightly too happy elf slipped into my arms and covered me with an entire pint. Though I was prompt to bring out my best Billy-Bob Thornton impersonation, I held my Bad Santa tirade back because I had a separate tradition to tend to later that day: The holiday movie marathon with my old college roommate.
As has become tradition for the past 3 years, we order Chinese food and watch our favorite movies on Christmas day. But since I won’t be in New York this year, I left the bar early and took straight to his apartment for our holiday movie marathon. We began as we always do, with 2 orders of lo-mein, 3 orders of kung pao chicken, two bowls of wonton soup, one order of steamed dumplings and the quintessential New York holiday classic, Home Alone 2.
Like the reddit nerds we are, we argue about whether Harry Lime (Joe Pesci) or Marv Merchants (Daniel Stern) took the worse beating (Marv by a long shot). We wonder why no one else was more concerned that a young boy was best friends with a crazy woman in Central Park. And of course, we talk aloud about how awesome it would be to have a laundry chute outside our window. The arguments never seem to change, but it never seems to bother me.
The movie wrapped up in what felt like record time, and Eight Crazy Nights was quickly playing. Sure, this is not one of Adam Sandler’s bests, but tradition must be kept. Not to mention the cast of Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, Jon Lovetz, and a Tyra Banks cameo, is nothing to scoff at. Truth is, I fall asleep about midway through the film every time, but my friend loves it, and he tells me its great, so what the heck, it’s a part of our movie list.
After the second movie, we take a break with some ice cream topped with a splash of Jack Daniels (disgusting, but good), and we pop in the third and final movie. This film takes us the longest to choose because we always try to find a movie that neither of us has ever seen before.
We argue about genre for what feels like hours (he likes Horror, I like comedy) until finally we just get too frustrated and pick one at random. This year, the choice was surprise Golden Globe Nominee, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen.
Ewan McGregor, Emily Blunt, how bad could it be?
Twenty-Five minutes later, with both of us on the verge of passing out from boredom, the answer was clear. Forget tradition. Who cares about salmon in the Yemen. Bring back the holidays. Elf was on a minute later, and Zooey Deschanel was the only elf I could remember that day.
I wish everyone a happy holiday, and I look forward to hearing about some of your traditions in the comments section below. Don’t forget to keep voting in the 5 open categories, and be sure to tune in on January 9th for an incredible show.
Home Alone 2