The EMEE Awards

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The Emmy Awards were on Sunday, and what a spectacle they were. Yellow dresses, bow ties and insults from Ricky Gervais were rampant, yet expected.  While I was completely satisfied with a few of the winners – I’m looking at you Homeland – several of my favorites were left out in the dust. So because my faves happen to be perpetual bridesmaids – I’m looking at you Jon Hamm – I’m just going to have to reward these talented mofos myself.

Behold: The EMEE Awards! The EMEEs, not to be confused with the Emmys, are based on my thoughts and my thoughts alone because my name is Emily and I had a blog to write this morning.  So, the EMEEs. It’s easy. It sounds like “Emmys” but has a completely different meaning.  While the Emmys are chosen by the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences, the EMEEs are chosen by me, myself and I, a jacked up combination of all of my worst personality traits: hardcore television critic, guiltiest of guilty pleasure-ist and oh man, I’ve been watching TV for 14 hours, somebody get me some sunshine and friends to brunch with, STAT.

Here we go:

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A LEAD ACTRESS IN A POOL, Drama

WINNER: Anna Gunn as Skylar White, Breaking Bad

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A SUPPORTING ACTRESS ON CRACK, Comedy

WINNER: Zosia Mamet as Shoshana Shapiro, Girls

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A SUPPORTING ACTOR’S HAIRLINE, Drama

WINNER: Vincent Kartheiser as Pete Campbell, Mad Men

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A LEAD ACTRESS WHO MAKES YOU GO, “SHE JUST DID WHAAAAA?” Drama

WINNER: Christina Hendricks as Joan Harris, Mad Men

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A SUPPORTING ACTOR WITH A PERM, Comedy

WINNER: Zachary Knighten as Dave Rose, Happy Endings

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A SKINNY LEAD ACTRESS PLAYING A FAT HOUSEWIFE, Drama

WINNER: January Jones as Betty “Fat Betty” Draper-Francis, Mad Men

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A SUPPORTING ACTRESS TREATIN’ HERSELF, Comedy

WINNER: Retta as Donna Meagle, Parks and Recreation

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A SUPPORTING ACTOR TREATIN’ HIMSELF, Comedy

WINNER: Aziz Ansari as Tom Haverford, Parks and Recreation

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A SUPPORTING ACTOR WHO EMEE WOULD MOST LIKE TO MARRY SOMEDAY, Drama

WINNER: Sam Jaeger as Joel Graham, Parenthood

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A REALITY STAR BEING GENERALLY TERRIBLE, Reality

WINNER: All of the Gallery Girls as Gallery Girls, Gallery Girls

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY AN INCREDIBLY HAPPY LATE NIGHT HOST, Variety

WINNER: Jimmy Fallon, Late Night With Jimmy Fallon

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A BABY-HANDED SISTER FROM THE FINGER LAKES, Comedy

WINNER: Kristen Wiig as Doonice, Saturday Night Live

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A LEAD ACTOR WHO, LET’S FACE IT, HAS ALREADY BROKEN BAD, Drama

WINNER: Rico Rodriguez as Manny Delgado, Modern Family

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A SUPPORTING ACTRESS WHO ONCE KISSED THOMAS J. BEFORE HE WAS KILLED BY BEES, Comedy

WINNER: Anna Chlumsky as Amy Brookheimer, Veep

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY AN ITEM MOST OFTEN FOUND IN A DRAWER IN YOUR KITCHEN, Drama

WINNER: Saran Wrap as Saran Wrap, Dexter

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A LEAD ACTRESS GOING TO TOWN ON HER BOYFRIEND CUPCAKE, Comedy

WINNER: Lena Dunham as Hannah Horvath, Girls

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A REALITY STAR WITH KIDNEY STONES, Reality

WINNER: Phillip Phillips, American Idol

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A SUPPORTING ACTRESS FORMERLY KNOWN AS BLOSSOM, Comedy

WINNER: Mayim Bialik as Amy Farrah Fowler, The Big Bang Theory

OUTSTANDING NON-RACIST LIVE PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN BLACKFACE, Comedy

WINNER: Jon Hamm, as Abner, 30 Rock

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A LEAD WATCHER OF THE EMMYs, Comedy/Drama/Variety/Reality

WINNER: EMEE as Emily, My Couch

So there you have it. Do you agree with my picks? Do you think Saran Wrap deserved the OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE OF AN ITEM MOST OFTEN FOUND IN A DRAWER IN YOUR KITCHEN over Fat Betty’s Weight Watchers’ scale? How about my win as the best Emmy Awards viewer of the night? Leave your thoughts in the comments below and share your own winners and losers of the 2011/2012 television season.  While you’re at it, voice your choice in today’s poll and tell us which nominee you think deserved to win at this year’s Emmy Awards:

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Lena Dunham, Girls

Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

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