I like to invoke celebrity names in everyday conversation as much as possible. Is that weird? To be clear, I’m not talking about being a name dropper/starf**ker (although I’m not above that either.) I’m referring to my habit of adding a famous name to spice up a particularly mundane noun, verb, adjective, adverb, conjunction, interjection, pronoun or preposition.
Take, for example, Jason Segal’s costar in The Five-Year Engagement, which opens today. She’s got the perfect name to work into everyday dialog. Say I want to tell someone that they’re straying outside of their Color Me Beautiful palette and are approaching E! Fashion Emergency territory. If I fear being characterized as insensitive, I might soften the blow by saying: “At the risk of sounding Emily Blunt, do you really think that color looks good on you?” Perhaps I’d go on to suggest: “That particular shade of Ashley Greene just isn’t flattering for your complexion. Does that crop top come in Jack Black, Chris Brown or Taupe-er Grace?” You get the idea.
Doesn’t adding a well-known name to a ho-hum word make sentences so much more fun? Mos Def, I say! And I’m pleased to report that there’s nary a situation wherein this little trick can’t be incorporated.
After preparing a big breakfast there’s bound to be leftovers, such as Halle Berries or Kevin Bacon. Why put them in Tupperware when they can be lovingly covered with Susan SaranWrap or Ryan ReynoldsWrap? Duh!
Hey, you got new window treatments! Those faded cotton Jane Curtins have finally been replaced by velvet Don Draperies. (I forgot to mention that iconic character names are also fair game.) Did you pick them up at Bed, Bath, and Beyonce? Clearly, the fun never ends!
What? You want me to give one more example? Okay, Demanda Bynes, I’ll let you in on another little secret.
My favorite expletive is the name of an Irish actress who won Best Supporting Actress at the 1990 Oscars for her performance in My Left Foot. Ladies and gentlemen, I humbly present my catch-all name: Brenda Fricker. I suppose it’s because her last name is so similar to frickin’, a toned down version of the f-word, that makes me invoke her several times every day. “I just stubbed my toe. Brenda Fricker!” “It’s raining outside and I forgot my umbrella. Brenda Fricker!” Sometimes I use her name to replace kidding, as in, “Are you Brenda Frickering me?” It really is versatile, if not borderline nonsensical. I don’t know that Ms. Fricker would be appreciative of my taking her name in vain, but I feel like I’m doing my part to keep her in the collective consciousness.
Do you find my celebrity-names-in-everyday-conversation habit a little odd? Fair enough. But it’s not like keeping the conversation Blake Lively means I suffer from Amy Bi-Poehler disorder.
Anne Hathaway in Bride Wars
Cameron Diaz in My Best Friend’s Wedding
Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and the City: The Movie
Paula Patton in Jumping the Broom