All bubbly and freckly and full of drive.
She was pretty and talented with that early aughts flair,
The newest “It Girl” in town, with flaming red hair.
She was the queen! The Queen of the Tween,
Before Miley and Demi and even Seleen.
As twins in Parent Trap she stole the country’s heart,
Where would her career go? Twas just the start.
Mean Girls was huge, she was bigger than ever,
We applauded and lauded, “Lindsay Lohan Forever!”
But with fame came a price, no one knows it any better,
She was getting freaky on Fridays and even stole a sweater.
Jane Fonda was pissed, oh don’t you recall?
Georgia Rule was a mess, and Lindsay totes dropped the ball.
She was going downhill, we all saw her do it,
We’d gossip and blog, “She really needs to cool it.”
We watched in horror, while cheering her on,
It’s better than a soap opera, this new person she’s spawned.
It never got any better, now the cops were involved,
Four trips to rehab and nothing was solved.
Still we watched as “Court Couture” became the latest new fashion,
Long gone was her career, it went out with our compassion.
She was still out partying, while we all sat appalled,
Red Carpets were her job, if she was invited at all.
“What happened to her? She had such potential,”
“Who knows, man, but some help is essential.
We still pay attention, we can’t look away,
Like a 3rd string point guard molding Kobe like clay.
She pouts and poses and keeps up with appearances,
The paps, they snap, but we can see the incoherences.
Her eyes have lost sparkle, the drive is now gone,
It’s not how she was, it’s not how she was drawn.
But there is a silver lining in all of this shame,
Such is the life, a life in fame.
We tear you down, to watch you climb back to life,
You deserve a second chance, not a life full of strife.
So here we are, Lindsay’s taking a crack,
She’s hosting SNL this weekend – a true comeback.
We’ll see she how she does, I have high hopes,
Because like everyone else, I love my soaps.
Now please take a minute to tell us your fave,
1.) Mean Girls
2.) Parent Trap
3.) Prairie Home Companion
4.) SNL Host