Girl 1: “You guys, I totally thought that Zooey Deschanel killed it on SNL last night.”
Girl 2: “Are you kidding me? I can’t stand her on New Girl.”
Girl 1:“Yeah, but at least she can make fun of herself, unlike whats-her-face from Glee.”
Girl 3: “Girls, chill – Can we get to what really matters? I’m up to episode 5 of Homeland!”
Girl 2: [sticks fingers in ears] “DON’T TELL ME! DON’T TELL ME! DON’T TELL ME! Lisa! You know I’m only up to episode 3.”
Twas the scene I overheard while grabbing a cup of coffee on Sunday morning. “Zooey DID kill it last night,” I thought to myself. “And what’s-her-face seriously needs to lighten up.” “Episode 5 IS good. Girl 2, you need to step on it.”
And then it hit me – Do I watch too much TV? What are the chances that I would watch (and love) all three shows? I got to counting. Shameless on Sundays, Real Housewives (yeah, I said it) on Mondays, Glee, New Girl and Parenthood on Tuesdays. Don’t even get me started on Wednesdays and Thursdays. I need to sit down. I need water. “SOMEONE GET ME WATER!” I shouted. (No I didn’t, but how glamorous/sad would that be?)
I needed some air. I grabbed my drink, pulled my hat over my ears and headed out into the frigid February air. The hours of couch-time started piling up in my head. 9, 10, 11… 15, 16, 17. Seventeen hours of TV per week. Sure, I utilize my DVR to save up some eps for weekend lethargy but as I pound the pavement I realize far too much of my time is parked on my merlot-colored love seat.
What do I do? Do I give it up? Get another hobby? You’re right, it’s about time I learned how to knit. So I pull out my phone, Yelp the nearest crafts store (ugh it’s all the way up town) and hail a cab with the grace and confidence of a young Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada (at least that’s how I see it). Seventy blocks later, I’ve arrived at my glittery, potpourri-smelling destination and head straight to the yarn. I’m almost derailed by the ribbon and fake flowers, but I’m determined, I tell you! Nothing will stand in the way of my new, fabulous hobby. Knits and purls, purls and knits. Ugh, a phone call.
“Hey what’s up?”
“Wanna come over and watch the Grammy’s?”
“Be there in 10.”
1.) Rose Byrne
2.) Lily Collins
3.) Daisy Fuentes
4.) Poppy Montgomery