In A Perfect World Who Should Replace Ellen?

So you seem to love The Bourne Identity, and even though there aren’t any thrillers opening today we do have three movies that’ll probably satisfy most population segments. One’s for adults, one’s for kids, and one’s for tweens and maybe the kids they’re babysitting. First we have Dinner For Schmucks which stars Paul Rudd, Steve Carell and Zach Galifianakis. This looks funny, but along the lines of what we’re going to get into later regards a certain Idol judge: it also looks to me a teensy bit  mean-spirited. Evidently the premise is an elite group of guys competing to see who can bring the biggest idiot to dinner. (I know. Nice, right?) Anyway if you do go, just point out enroute to the theater that you  know it’s a remake of a French movie called The Dinner Game. That way, even if the movie’s terrible you’ll look just a little more learned than the other folks in your row. If it really sucks you can say “You know, I was not optimistic considering the French original, but I thought I’d give it a whirl…because occasionally I like a good American remake”. On the other hand,  if this version is good,  simply announce: “You know what? I had my doubts because the French one is so excellent, but here’s an example of good old American ingenuity working its magic in the cinema again”. Then you’re covered either way. Now for the kids we have  Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore. Which is a sequel. And if you have children, they may make you take them. If you don’t, you probably won’t hear too much more about it. If you have tweens, and they are sick of downloading illegal copies of Eclipse, and they thought Ramona and Beezus looked  (or actually was) stupid, they will most likely ask you to drop them off at the mall and then beat it because they’re going to see Charlie St. Cloud. Largely – and probably only – because it stars Zac Efron. And if the trailer’s any indication, the cameraman knew just how many times per hour he could jam shots of the cerulean-blue-eyed beaut staring into a sunset/across the ocean for maximum dreamyness effect.

Now how about Ellen saying buh-bye to American Idol? I always thought she didn’t look all that comfy up there. Here’s what she said: “…this didn’t feel like the right fit for me… while I love discovering, supporting and nurturing young talent, it was hard for me to judge people and sometimes hurt their feelings.” If that’s the case, I say Bravo, Lady. Classier than I originally imagined. Maybe someone is bothered by the manipulative ratings grab otherwise known as ridicule on this hit show. Now again, when they get down to the last twelve I have absolutely no problem with it – by the time we hit those guys they’ve all got some kind of deal that  protects them financially for a few minutes at least. And they’re probably guaranteed several dozen free meals for a good six months in their respective hometowns. And worse case scenario, any one of them could be a vocal coach or head up a high school show choir somewhere. That’s if they don’t do fabulously well, which many of them will, regardless. But the early ones? They have only a dream, and it’s usually dashed on the rocks of “constructive criticism” as served up by people who know exactly how to make viewers and audiences laugh. Ellen may just have opted for pure honesty here (even though you know never to believe 90% of what comes out of Hollywood, right? Unless I authored it, because I rarely fib). Anyway if she’s genuine here, this proves once and for all that not everyone thinks it’s so neat to fillet those poor wannabees up like fresh-caught Brook Trout. So who will the next judge be? Word is it’ll be Jennifer Lopez. Plus there’s talk about Elton John and Justin Timberlake — we even have a poll up to that effect. But what if they don’t do any of those things?  In fact, let’s toss out four ladies  – pie in the sky stuff, just for the heck of it. Voice your choice in today’s featured poll and tell us which of these gals you’d most like to see replace Ellen:

1)    Paula Abdul

2)    Tyra Banks

3)    Kathy Griffin

4)    Beyonce