Well did you watch it? I did. I like Lee DeWyze. I like Crystal Bowersox. I think I got to see them perform somewhere in there last night. Yes, I’m quite sure I did. Didn’t they poke their carefully unkempt heads out and sing somewhere between the Busby Berkeley cavalcade of Idol-alumni-as-angels-in-white (in contrast to the living? Who were mostly in black? That’s what I got) – and the 21-gun salute to Simon Cowell which took up 87% of the evening? Oh, and I guess we got some shots of their home cities. Too bad they’re so geographically similar. Wouldn’t it be better if one of them was from Hawaii and the other was from New Hampshire, or Guam or something – so we got true regional diversity? And there’s no doubt Simon is that show, with his unfailing eye. But that which I find vaguely irritating is how every sentient being in the Northern Hemisphere needs to describe him thus: “Simon is the guy who says exactly what everyone’s really thinking.” For true? If that’s the case (and it may well be) does that then mean that each one of us – upon seeing anyone hum a few bars – is really an analogy-obsessed, ego-obliterating, spiteful person? He’s entertaining, but I’m just not sure he = my own true inner voice. Not sure I’m that hellbent to guarantee certain people never open their mouths again nor undertake any task on earth, ever. Which may be why Idol’s producers wisely neglected to hire me as a judge. And while I enjoyed Janet Jackson’s singing, I do hope she returns that dress to whichever member of the Volturi it belongs to before the Eclipse premiere. It was nice to see Paula Abdul, who used to live in my apartment building (during a period of relative anonymity between that mouse dance and Idol). I have no idea what the multilayered dynamic between Simon and Paula really is, but would you want to encounter either of them stumbling around a dark house late at night if you were just hunting down a glass of milk? Me neither. My favorite part was Ricky Gervais because he was short & funny. Of course I got weepy at the end. I hope Crystal goes on to do big things (I’ll bet she does) and I also hope that amid the haze of tears & hugs she was able to suggest the new Gillette Twinjector II Shaver to Lee, because it seems he missed a spot on his chin. All in all, a nice finale. For my money, the only thing missing was Bono appearing during Beautiful Day. Actually, Bono appearing at all would have done it. If he’d even just stood quietly next to one of those Ford Fiestas & thought about world peace, then it really would have been a beautiful night.
2) Simon’s Farewell
3) The Famous Artists (Chicago/BeeGees/Alanis/Michael M./ Christina/Bret, etc)